Content: best pitch contest

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I would love some feedback on what you think of the story premise and whether you would be interested in reading this novel. Any and all feedback is appreciated. I welcome constructive criticism. Thank you in advance!

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Pitch Sentence: A year after the disappearance of her father and sister, 17-year-old Sonia Jacobs learns that her father discovered an extraterrestrial gene in his two daughters, a discovery that triggered a covert operation of genetic experimentation.

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I received such excellent feedback the first time around, I've decided to try again. Here's a (substantially) revised version of the pitch. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed the first attempt; your suggestions were very helpful. Feel free to tear this one apart, if need be. (This is turning out to be a very good exercise for me.) All feedback is welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.

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Pitch Sentence: A hidden passageway in an ancient stone sanctuary perched high on a cliff in the Spanish Pyrenees leads two thirteen-year olds into the middle of an international manhunt and the operational center of a smuggling ring of exotic birds. Query: Dear Agent: I am seeking representation for my middle-grade manuscript “Watch Out For Scorpions” (32,000 words) where a hidden passageway in an ancient stone sanctuary perched high on a cliff in the Spanish Pyrenees leads two thirteen year-olds into the middle of an international manhunt and the operational center of a smuggling ring of exotic birds. All Emily did was sneak out of the house to see the full moon and her parents went nuts. Now she was stuck in a small town somewhere in Spain, staying with friends of her parents whose son Luís barely bothers to speak to her. Weren’t her parents overreacting? Wasn’t it enough they took away her cell phone? On a hike to a sanctuary on top of the mountain, Emily stumbles upon a stone with wings etched into it. She hears the call of a loon where there are no loons. A magazine article claims the sanctuary is under renovation. But, there aren’t any building materials or construction equipment or scaffolding or any evidence of anyone working. Emily suspects the sanctuary conceals a sinister secret and she’s determined to find out what – with or without Luís. Watch Out For Scorpions was a finalist in this year’s Tassy Walden Awards. Enclosed are the first three chapters. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, tgwriter

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I am attempting to describe a satirical novel, so the pitch may also portray a satirical tone. Feedback: Do you think the satire works, or is it just too damn silly?

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This late arrival comes after reviewing some of the entries here. I had no idea how to approach a true pitch, and your entries have inspired me. Please feel free to tear apart, break down at will. Thank you for any and all edits, grammatical corrections and feedback in general.

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My one-line pitch (logline) is the first sentence of the query, and I reposted after some very helpful feedback.

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My one line pitch (logline) is the first sentence of the query.

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This is the pitch for The Legend of Draconis, Book I: King Satin's Realm. (Usually referred to as King Satin's Realm) I have included poetry. com and TNBW in my bio--Good or bad? I'm not sure. This is a piece still very much under revision, but it is my labor of love. This piece kept me sane at the lowest point of my life.

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Trudy Brooks, a five-year reporter for Louisville's Courier Journal, stumbles across a 1920 Kentucky Derby story that leads her to discover Orene and Jessie, creating a heart-warming friendship after she realizes their three blind deceased family members,Autie, Cleo, and J.W., taught their family to maintain faith, compromise, and love from the heart. Courier Journal reporter, Trudy Brooks, has suffered a year-long of struggles and obstacles. Divorce number two is sealed when her husband admits he’s a manic depressive after preaching on an East Louisville Street corner and is featured in the CJ. In retaliation, Trudy decides to seriously pursue her journalistic career. While researching the CJ archives for her Kentucky Derby tabloid feature, she stumbles across a 1920 Derby story and black and white photo that claims her tabloid story as the favorite, winning a $500 cash bonus. “An Overcast Day on Slow Track of 17 Horses Brings Surprise For Kentucky School For The Blind” “Autie Newsome, a student at The Kentucky School for the Blind, is pictured with other students from the school and her horse, Birdie. Newsome earned a trip to the Derby when her brother, Boyce, and sister-in-law, Jessie, arrived by train from their Golo, Ky., home with Autie’s horse, Birdie, and their younger brother, Cleo,4, who is also blind. Birdie is being housed with other horses at Churchill Downs Back Stretch Stables until they can transport her back to Golo on the L & N. Autie and her friends photographed in the winner’s circle with Paul Jones, after winning the race by a nose and moving past Upset and On Watch. Discovering Orene and Jessie, life-long residents of Golo, Ky., and the three miles of dirt road that separated them during their childhood days, becomes a path Trudy travels with them when they are invited to appear as guests on Oprah. When Oprah and her production crew travel to Louisville during the 1997 Derby week and film on location at The Kentucky School For the Blind, viewers are drawn to Orene and Jessie’s bond of friendship that began in the early 1900s. Their story deepens as the history of Orene and Jessie’s’ voices illustrate two dark-fired tobacco farming families in Golo, Ky., supporting death, limited educational opportunities, clinging to deep-rooted spiritual underpinnings, educating three blind children, in a western Kentucky rural farm community that is blessed producing miracles. While the two run their own swift race galloping as fast as Kentucky’s trademark Derby horses the first Saturday in May, sharing every heart secret that only they shared, their lives take a turn producing the biggest Golo miracle when Jessie’s father, a roving Baptist preacher, earnestly seeks a better education for his blind children during a brush arbor revival meeting. Knowing her sister, Autie, is extremely homesick for Kentucky after enrolling in The Kentucky School For The Blind, Jessie orchestrates the secret movement of their pet horse, Birdie, to be placed inside a cargo box car on the L & N Train and travel to Louisville to comfort her. As Trudy follows Orene and Jessie until their last days, she faces her own struggles with a new-found vigor, confidence and love of home she learns from these two women. Through the journals of the late Helen Orene Newsome (1908-2009) dating back to the 1930s, ancestral documentation for The Kentucky School For The Blind, and family research from Murray State University’s Pogue Library, the literary fiction story of “Orene and Jessie” depicts how their never-ending spirituality, coupled with their strong desire to return home, sustains them throughout their life’s journey. A promotional savvy fiction writer and a 16-year public relations professional veteran who also conducts “Aunt Jessie Writing Workshops to Jackson Purchase area schools, I am seeking an agent who shares my vision of this unique novel. (Because approximately 10 million Americans are blind and visually impaired and 45 percent of these individuals with severe visual impairment or blindness possess a high school diploma from the numerous Blind Schools located throughout the U.S., it has always been a dream of mine to share the memories of this hard-working class of Americans and provide a portion of book sales in memory of my ancestors to fund scholarships to The Kentucky School For The Blind.) A Murray State University 1995 Public Relations graduate with a Creative Writing minor, I have been a full-time employee in the public relations venue with the Murray-Calloway County Chamber of Commerce, Murray State University and now The Murray Independent School District, as the Public Information Officer, Broadcast Journalism advisor, and Community Education Director. After self-publishing “Aunt Jessie’s Magic Ketchup,” with Authorhouse in 2004 that ranked in the top 400 of their 35,000 fiction titles and through numerous feature articles published in Back Home in Kentucky, The Paducah Sun, The Murray Ledger and Times, Murray Life, and Journal Communications Chamber magazines, and most recently attending an individual writer’s residency at Louisville Kentucky’s Hopscotch House, I am a credible published author. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely,

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This is the pitch and query for Wilted Magnolias. Not sure I should include poetry.com since I've been told long after thought I had been chosen to have a poem published that it's "vanity publishing." BUT why would I NOT include this wonderful site, TNBW that is, for an agent or such to know I've worked on this piece? All thoughts welcome. Edited 10/30/11

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Prom queen Lara and bad boy Will were attracted to each other in high school but would never pursue the relationship because of the problems they perceived it would cause. Lara tiptoed through life on eggshells, afraid to disappoint or offend anyone with her own opinions or disrupt what others told her was a perfect life. Will bulldozed his way to the top of the Fortune 500 list but also pushed his family right out of his life out of fear of failure. When she finds her estranged husband’s dead body behind her car, Lara’s life of quiet acceptance is over. And Will has come home to try and learn how to be part of a family. Both are looking to escape the labels society has placed on them.

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Pitch for the contest. Any comments appreciatied.

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The Dark Sweetness between the Stars is a book about Avalon, a colony founded by science fiction fans, and what happens when they unexpectedly come back in contact with Earth. This is the story I joined tNBW to write, and the current version (not yet posted) is much, much the better for what I have learned.

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This is my pitch for Sleep Wool Sagas. Feel free to tear into it!

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"Little Evil" is a novel I've been working on for years. It was the first thing I started when I decided to take up writing. But It pretty much sucked so I've hardly touched it for a long time because I decided the story deserved a better writer. And that is what I have been trying to become--the writer that this story deserves. Anyway, here is the pitch. It's pretty much the same pitch I used years ago for the Amazon contest and it actually got me into the second round and from there I even made it to the first review round.

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This is a REVISED entry for the Best Book Pitch and a flagrant promotion of my exciting novel. Thanks for your advice: Janet; Rita; Sharon & Doug.

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I greatly appreciate any and all advice and suggestions.

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Any and all

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My pitch for the contest enjoy. *LA*

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Jacob follows men who kidnapped his Polish girlfriend to a secret island where the famous, the infamous and the diabolical live in splendor.

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This is my attempt at turning my work on Muse into a book proposal for the novel pitch contest. All feedback welcome.

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I have an autistic stepdaughter, so I know firsthand the magnitude of this condition. This is no attempt to insult anyone who has a child or sibling that has autism. This premise came from conversations with my wife. The cause of autism continues to be a mystery.

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Current query.

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This is a query for the pitch contest.

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This is the pitch for Homegrown Healer. Would this make you want to read? Yes, I've included poetry.com, although I've been told it's "vanity publishing," which I didn't know at the time. Morever, I included TNBW in a query so an agent or publisher will know I've worked on this piece. Edited 10/30/11

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Ralph enjoys the company of his High School friend, Gerald and his young family. When terrorists attack and kill his friend at the Robotic Institute in Berkley and steal a new invention, a robotic butterfly, capable of surveillance and responds to commands from over two hundred miles away. Ralph gets involved in the investigation with a vow to avenge his friend's death. The trail leads him and friend Laura to the Middle-East and Kazakhstan where the same leader of the terrorists are trying to smuggle uranium ore into Iran, and an encounter with Somali pirates on the Arabian Sea, until he becomes a target for the terrorists with the fervor of a Jihad.

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I actually had the nerve to send this pitch out and received some interesting replies. I've made a couple of minor changes, but the pitch is included in the book Waiting for Karl Rove. Thanks to Jeni Decker for letting me use it for the contest. I realize Oprah is no longer on the air, but that doesn't matter. I never saw a single episode anyway.

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