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They tried to kill me. I was only protecting my wife's good name. I was insanely mad with jealousy. Now I can only smell and hear the world around me. I was a good man before this happened... why me? Why did this have to happen to me? Think you have bad neighbors? Wait until you meet Robert Rubio's.

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Coming from a broken home, seventeen-year-old Luke Bowens starts his life over again in the outskirts of Baltimore with his grandparents. He finds a refuge in his beautiful teacher and falls in love. Banned is intended to entertain as well as enlighten—and ends with a lesson learned—that a relationship banned by society will only result in tragedy. The purpose of Banned is to inform and educate readers of the dangers of a student/teacher relationship and to prevent it from happening. *Warning--explicit language.

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Do you remember then first time a childish day dream shattered in the real world? Please let me know anything about the story that didn't capture you. I am trying to polish my flash fiction skills a bit. Thanks:)

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This was a go at writing a short story idea in poem form to flesh it out. Falls apart at end but this gave me direction for short story.

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An idea that I had - possibly for a longer story, possibly for a novella/poetry combination thing, possibly as something to be filed away. Comments regarding those possibilities are welcome as are any other thoughts.

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Peanut is meant to show social awareness and humor. *Note to readers--this is fiction not a memoir. :D

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Inspired by a real teacher, I retold her story of woe in this piece of fiction. *Warning--explicit content.

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Final Battle is a modern epic. I do not mean that it is necessarily of the quality of Homeric poems or Nordic sagas, but that it is a story of similar content and shape. The fundamental premise, developed over many books, is that an ancient supernatural entity birthed by a Creator deity, the All-Monster, is awakening for a third time. The All-Monster, having a lifespan measured in the billions of years, is sealed away, but it is the location of its captivity that is so problematic: Right near the center of the universe, where Fate itself gives order to chaos and sequence to events. Over the course of the novels, it tries to secure its freedom, amass temporal power, feed off of evil committed in its name and by its proxies, and take over Fate in order to turn the entire universe into something resembling Hell, all life, light and hope snuffed out over eons as forces of evil, violence, tyranny and chaos slowly but inevitably win, the deck rigged irrevocably in their favor. The novels track the rise of the Fate's Guardians, heroes from across space and time who emerge, expand, recruit and beat back the forces of the All-Monster. In the first book, the All-Monster is only barely beginning to awake. One of its primary mortal proxies, the Xenosian Empire, is expanding upon the world, pouncing with bloody thunder. One of its early Avatars, mortals tied to it, is the genetically-engineered clone of one of the main characters, Arek Lumina-Weise. This novel sees the first Fate's Guardians emerge, and the Xenosians appear to be the true threat to the world.

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This story concerns the same psychopath mentioned in my Locked - In short story. I must warn you that you may find this read disturbing. I wanted a villain to rival the most dastardly in literature. Fritz-Marilyn Mann is a Frankenstein monster, very evil at the core, born wicked, a eunuch and I think totally unique in fiction. This character is from, The Swiftness of the Sea. I thought I might shock a few reviewers into helping me with this and Chapters 1-6 (that I have also posted). Locked - In short story is actually cChapter 1... egads, why do I make things so complicated? I think the chapter stands on its own, but the one back story needed is: Fritz murdered his twin sister and had her vagina transplanted into his body in Thailand by Dr. Chop-chop (real name Dr. Choochai) so he could sincerely pursue his romantic love for his adopted brother Oz Osmund.

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So in Amadeus, Salarie told Mozart... 'ah, too many notes, bub...' when asked to critique a composition. I'm not comparing myself Wolfgang, but my story was six thousand words + and cutting it to five thousand words just didn't feel natural. First read: FIDELITY FOREVER Part 1. It should be in stack very near this second part.

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Inspired by a true story, Radio Girl is about the rise of a young girl, DJ Maestra, who discovers her artistic abilities, love, freedom, and success in the competitive world of mass media in Washington, D.C. DJ Maestra is faced with challenges as a female disk jockey and is put down by her competitors because of her gender in the field of men. With the help of her colleague/soul mate, DJ Metal Force, she finds herself and learns to be independent and takes on challenges to overcome prejudices against her as a female artist. At the end, DJ Maestra proves her talent by creating her own mixtapes and bringing the small underground community station, SIC Radio to fame.

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This is a long one... a god/dog story... get a long little doggies... I looked for the WHOPPER category from the drop down menu; it wasn’t there so I went with FANASY. Wo wo wo, woof, woof, wo-woof, grarr-garrrr?

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Summary: In an undescribed year in the near future Harold wakes up to a world of problems as he finds himself tangled up in the biggest event of the decade. Review: Any and all feedback is welcome. Half way realistic science fiction combined with a sense of this going badly is what I am looking for. Is the hook good enough? Is the story flowing? Is the dialogue believable? And so on. Also, any help with grammar is especially welcome as English is not my first language.

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Story takes place in summer of 1961, set in the American South during the Civil Rights era. Main character travels South to become a freedom rider. She is imprisoned along with the other freedom riders at Parchman Farm in Mississippi, where she encounters someone quite different from anyone she's ever known. This subsequently sets her on a quest that pits her against her grandmother who raised her and the organization that sponsored her trip South.

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They tried to kill me. I was only protecting my wife's good name. I was insanely mad with jealousy. Now I can only smell and hear the world around me. I was a good man before this happened... why me? Why did this have to happen to me?

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This is a story about a powerful angel named Lucifer who is created to make music and perform other tasks to bring glory to God and Heaven. Later his pride is hurt as he watches God create a new creation which he gives to humans to rule. Eventually his growing dissatisfaction with God's methods in heaven will lead him to lead a rebellion to replace God as the Most High. Any feedback that would help improve my writing style would be greatly appreciated. This is my first novel.

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After all the feedback on the previously posted Parts 1 & 2, the following story combined into a single post will be sent off to the Minnesota Review and Menda City. Let's see what happens. Big Thanks to those who took the time. Any additional suggestions, are more than welcome, of course.

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A Brooklyn teacher named Charlie Maiks retells at gunpoint the story behind his current predicament while in a separate but related story line a character's life in Argentina during the Dirty War develops into one of the root causes of the Charlie's nightmare.

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Just something that sort of popped into my head. What do you think? Not my normal style of writing so am not sure how it works here.

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What happens when the high-profile and glamorous world of professional sports collides with the seamy underworld of organized crime? The fates of the three men, the world’s number one player, an office worker from Manchester, UK, and a deadly, psychopathic professional assassin converge in Augusta, Georgia, at the Masters golf tournament. Soon their lives are flung together as an explosive tale of suspense unfolds. Can FBI agent John Anderson and his team track down an elusive killer who is leaving a trail of bodies in his wake, and who won't rest until he has completed his deadly assignment?

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(crime fiction: strongest_start-four) MORAL DILEMMA RONALD FEASEL PROLOGUE He woke up in the hospital room. He stared at the ceiling not knowing how much of his legs were still there. He couldn’t feel anything down there. The doctor told him they would save as much as they could. He remembered the night it happened. He was the leader of the reconnaissance mission when it went south. The bullets had cut through his lower legs and then the firefight. The helicopter and the flight back to the operations base were still fresh in his mind. He had been on so many missions as a Navy Seal and never been wounded. Now he was disabled and could he cope with that. He had killed many subversives in his career and now what would he do. Sit at a desk and shuffle paperwork? He thought of the many fellow soldiers who had been disabled and now he is one. The doctor came in with his clipboard. “Good morning Jack.” “From the knees down huh?” Jack had looked at the result under the sheets. “Yes but the nerve endings can be attached to any assistive device later on.” “You mean like some kind of leg extensions?” “Exactly, but first you have to heal and then you can find out about that later.” The doctor left and Jack was falling into depression about his future. His commanding officer was going to visit him today and he dreaded the visit. The officer arrived and after good mornings and the usual chat Jack asked about his future with the Navy. “Here’s the plan. After you’ve healed we’ll have you put on a desk job and prepare you for a training liaison for new seals.” “A glorified paper pusher huh?” “You’re a valuable asset to us and we can utilize your experience with new recruits.” “I don’t think so commander. I need to be active in some way. And I don’t mean sitting at a desk all day.” “I realize this is a big change for you but we can work something out.” Jack made a decision after the commander left. He took his disability and left the Navy. He relocated in San Francisco. Rented an apartment and would find something he could do that would not be a desk jockey.

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What does a 14 yr old girl know about a battle that took place about 700 years ago, to the point that she contradicts her history teacher at every turn and to the mirth of her clasmates? Was she there as she claims or not? Constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you.

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Detective Senior Sergeant Susan Prescott, accompanied by one of her teenage twin daughters, Marli, is on holiday. Susan is taking extended stress leave, after a series of traumatic happenings rock both her professional and personal life. The last thing she needs is to witness a very public murder. The spelling is Australian English.

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A Russian town is annihilated, leaving a two-mile deep crater. A space shuttle vanishes from orbit. A child beams energy that levels a Canadian mountain. A French astronomer bursts into flames before the horrified eyes of his student. What caused and connects these bizarre events; what does it foreshadow? Beau Walker is a African-American/Iroquois research psychologist and empath. He is lured into enlisting in an international study of the disasters, promised that he will be part of a revolutionary mind research project. Walker and the research team descend into the crater where physical laws are negated and unnatural forces are unleashed. Struggling with personal conflicts, Walker uncovers “black” research forcing human consciousness beyond natural limits, throwing human evolution--the very nature of humans--into question. At this major turning point, humankind faces either annihilation or a quantum evolutionary leap. If destruction is averted, what form could that evolution take?

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Any and all criticism gladly accepted. I can miss a typo 15 times. I have no idea what works and what doesn’t. Trust me, you won’t hurt my feelings. Until I started writing I though show and tell was something kids did in school and passive voice meant the guy was a whimp. This story is about a young princess named Evaughnlynn of Hawkland, a small northern kingdom on the island of Ellisland. She was engaged at the age 3 to Prince Thrall of Anglia, an empire to the south. The story starts when she is twelve and is given a stone of power (basically a crystal that stores and amplifies psychic power). This is unheard of. Stone bearers, or wizards, are usually middle aged and older and fall into three categories, dru, or healers, priests and scholars. Great evil is on the move and the Elf Lady Gwerydd foresees that as queen of Anglia, Evaughnlynn will be in a position to save Ellisland. She passes her the stone and dies. Unfortunately, Lady Gwerydd isn’t the only one to see the possibilities of Evaughnlynn’s possession of a stone and the dark forces move against her. Fortunately for her, she has two allies, Phylon, a man-at-arms in her father’s forces who is more than he seems and Beowyn her third cousin and the son of her father’s Captain of the Guard.

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Here is a chapter from a larger work in progress. Originally written as a theatrical play, this story is inspired by actual events. I like to bring it out once a year or so and play with it... searching for an ending. Any feedback would be appreciated!

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Kenzie is attacked and almost drowned while out for a run but is saved by the school weirdo, Jason, who has always had a crush on her. They begin a friendship, although in Jason's mind it's more than that. Will her attacker ever be found, or is he closer than she thinks? I would love any kind of feedback. Would you keep reading, does it stay interesting? Is it believable or cliche? I'm curious as to what anyone thinks about the shortness of my chapters. I have had a few mentions about this. Do people really care if there is a long drawn out chapter full of description, or is it better to write the action and dialogue and move the story along at a faster pace? Thanks for your feedback!

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Tiamat Ashtad, or Tash as she is called, is thrown into the middle of a high profile kidnapping when the suspect targets her. She's got to reach inside and learn who she really is to rescue the children and save herself. I'm looking for feedback on everything. Don't worry about being gentle I've got thick skin. I do however ask that you respect myself and my characters. I'm here to learn and grow. :)

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In May-June of 1917, an outbreak of labor and racially motivated violence in East St. Louis led to one of the worst race riots in US history. This is the fictional story of the Goodwin family and their struggle to protect their children and their young, beloved Negro maid, Emma Lynn. This is a young adult historical romance. To all previous readers, Sarah Jane is now Rebecca Jane.

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Snap…crackle…pop. The sounds of bones breaking and shifting and of muscles tearing haunt Alex Reed as she discovers a terrifying secret about her family. Because of that secret she and her brother are now being hunted. With the help of her new friends who hold dark secrets themselves, can she survive?

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Draft of a query letter for a Paranormal Adventure novel (it has paranormal and romance, but from the protag's gender to their separation and more, it just doesn't fit within the paranormal romance sub-genre). Intended for submission to book agents to rep fiction. Critique away! nb: this is a query to entice, not the full plot revealed in the synopsis

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This is the sequel to Priscilla the Great. Priscilla is a thirteen year old girl who can shoot fire out of her fingers. I haven't uploaded the completely edited version but this should give you a good idea of what happens in book 2. I'm focusing on book 3 right now. I'm just leaving this up for those who want to know what happened in book 2 before going on to book 3.

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Feedback please

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Focuses on a young undercover cop who, because of his personal demons, becomes a bodyguard to the teenage heiress of a frozen yogurt fortune. When an incident forces them to go on the run, the pair draw closer together but reveal secrets that may tear them apart.

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While on their graveyard shift, a trio of Federal security guards encounter a very angry ghost who shows up in a Federal courtroom. Was the story entertaining?

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Have you ever gotten stuck in the bathroom of the most popular girl’s house…during the most important party of the year…with the cutest boy on the planet standing right outside? Well did you then start accidently setting things on fire…with your fingers? If you think your life stinks, you ain’t got nothing on me. I’m Priscilla Maxine Sumner and all I want is to be a normal seventh grader. But with an older brother annoyingly obsessed with Christina Aguilera, mischievous baby twin brothers who could scare the sin off of Satan, and parents more puzzling than a Rubik’s cube in the Bermuda triangle, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. I just hope someone will be able to explain to me why I’ve suddenly become the hottest girl in River’s Bend, PA. This book is currently being read by eight of the top children's publishers. Let's hope one of them bites.

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Because this novel does not fit into any specific genre, I am going with Commercial Fiction. It has equal elements of Romance, Love Story and Drama. Suspense and humor are no strangers to the story, either. To me, it is a drama fueled by the quest of two lovers to find one another after a very lengthy separation. Two young lovers, Randy Harris and Brenda Chandler, are separated by totally unexpected circumstances beyond their control. They are taken from their small-towm roots of rural Kansas, Randy to Georgia and Brenda to Texas. The year is 1963. Weeks turn into months, months into years. Each starts a new life of his and her own. However, rarely does one completley forget about the other. But Randy and Brenda face substantial, and sometimes horrific, challenges in their new, seaparate lives. The drama and tension hover around every corner. Randy goes to jail, charged with the brutal slaying of his dearest friend. And that's not the only major trauma in his young life. Brenda's life moves in a most unexpected direction for a naive farm girl. She has her own tragedy to deal with. The untimely deaths of people they love torment both of them. In Brenda's case, the death leaves her with a heavy burden of guilt she can't seem to shake. Each enjoys moments of joy and rewards. But it seems there is always something lurking around the corner that wants to dampen those moments. But you will fall in love with the quirky humor of old Pop Johnson and the compassion of Bruce Armstrong. They are sure to make you smile between the tragedies and challenges. And there are a couple of places where you might want to have a Kleenex handy. Pop's story of his early days in Georgie will almost certainky bring a tear to your eyes. Randy's return from Vietnam culminates in a gut-wrenching discovery. There is quite an unexpected twist at the end. You probably won't see it coming! All comments, suggestions and nits are welcome. And thanks in advance for your time to read and comment, should you choose to. PS: The improper grammar in some of the dialougue is intentional.

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An unemployed man finds a new path to financial gain, until love trips him up.

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Many years ago, Gabe Durrell's son died a tragic death. The story revolves around what happened to the family and how they coped with Jamie's accident.

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A class reunion spurs Rachel's friend to go have a nip and tuck.

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A horny explicit piece of erotica that I have rewritten. Thanks for all your great comments so far, I greatly appreciate them.

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Rewritten story. I'm afraid they wouldn't let me add the rest of the story (its 6824 words), but any feedback is appreciated.

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In this short, short story a young boy has gone missing. Help is needed to find him before it's too late.

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This work rewrites the story of the vampire told through the eyes of a dissaticfied woman who has to decide which life she wants more ... her calm everyday mon-fri 9-5 tv dinner, but no real action life ... or a life seeped in intrigue, travel, art, love, and blood; but soon she questions if the choice was ever hers.

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One woman’s journey to find her own voice, separate from her twin sister; the more dominant personality of the two. Though death separates them early, the co-dependent relationship Sarah had with her sister remains, and she's unable to let go; even fully admitting to her death is not possible. Child Psychiatry in the 1950's & 60's, somewhat a child itself, is not always the most gentle solution. So, dealing with these issues through her adolescence and teen years, Sarah finally leaves home after a drunken binge, ending up in Phoenix, Arizona. Hoping to put her sister and the past behind her, she begins to settle in to try and re-invent herself as one individual instead of one-half of a whole. But wishing away a lifetime of experiences is like asking the sun to dim because its light is too bright for your eyes. Sarah’s mission is to learn that she must live with and accept the past, so that she can get on with the business of living in the present and planning for the future. To realize that looking at her own face in the mirror, and knowing that she is the only person who should be looking back is a battle worth fighting.

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Story's the summary! Re the provided photo of an ostensibly down-on-his-luck man, circa the Depression years.

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Children's bedtime picture story book. Second draft.

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A short novel about a tragic romantic triangle. Carla, Tom, Steven...Two will die. Note: the reviews, good and bad, were made about an earlier Chapter 1. So please deal just with the story as it is now. (Novel is finished; I'm doing a global edit; so I put part of it on this site to get feedback.)

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The tenderhearted warrior, King Jona Tye, is trapped in a ferocious struggle with his son, a bitter prince who would destroy their world before letting anyone else rule it. And so the king adopts eleven humans through the power of a mystical friend who's able to clone a life by taking a sample of its soul. Through this ability, King Jona rediscovers the joys of fatherhood and raises the greatest heroes to ever fight in the War of the Brokenhearted. However, the portions of the souls are sent back to their original owners because of the strain of the war. Yet, it is the king's hope that his adopted children will return and fill the hole in his fighting force, just as they filled the hole left in his heart by his rebellious son. But the humans are overwhelmed. First, there is the emergence of supernatural powers. Next, inner turmoil reaches the boiling point as the eleven recall a terrible war and a family they never actually experienced. And then there's Quest City: a metropolis where mobsters run city hall and the meaning of family is as blurred as the bullets that dictate the town's policies. Unbelievable powers rest at their fingertips. And an entire kingdom prays for their heroics. But in the end, it is the ability of these eleven strangers to value themselves as a family that will determine the fate of the king's world, as well as their own.

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An odd 'ting, ting, ting' coming through the woods draws a passerby to have a closer look at an abandoned homestead. A woman's brooch causes the reader to say, "Hmmmmm."

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This is a short story I wrote recently for a class. I would like to 'perfect' it, so any feedback would be appreciated.

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Walking on my way to lunch one sunny day, I look down at my feet and suffer an experience that leaves me filled with glorious joy and wrenching pain and realize I have an amazingly ability I'd suppressed all these years, because of Ma...

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***WINNER OF THE 2007 TNBW OCEAN FLASH COMPETITION***Linda returns to the small sea front hut the family owned and enjoyed when they were children and that she has now inherited. Her plan is to sell the property to help buy herself a new future. But sometimes the future can be found in the past.

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There's a doorway into the not-too-distant future. It's right there... you can see it at the end of the hall. Behind it, the matrix of thinking computers and lustful futurists bent on creating the perfect human being. Lean down and take a look through the KEYHOLE. --- AS A RESPECTFUL REQUEST, PLEASE START ANY REVIEWING WITH CHAPTER ONE. JUMPING INTO THE MIDDLE OF A NOVEL IS RUDE AND COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO BOTH WRITER AND READER. IGNORING THIS REQUEST WILL RESULT IN MY IGNORING YOUR REVIEW, AND AN AUTOMATIC 1 RATING FOR LACK OF RESPECT.

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Warning: this novel has at least four levels, is full of sex and violence, and is very fast paced. The Well of Women is at risk, as is the Tourney which Rhiannon wishes to use for pride and peace. But there are riots against offworlders, who the people blame for the rash of mother hate that is spreading through the land. And there is the mysterious Maelan--supposed guardian of the Well, whose malfunction may explain the evil that is afoot.

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This is an article written as part of a series on rural happenings. I plan to submit it to a magazine of some sort. British, Americans and others - no, this town is not in your country. Fellow Australians, I will tell you where it is on payment of a hefty - nay, massive - bribe !

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This is one of my few attempts at flash fiction. It looks at an emotion without naming the emotion.

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