Content: the cloud

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i started writing this for Cloud over Vegas contest but never finished it so here goes what I can...I've been to Vegas twice now. The first time I went was when I came home on leave from the military and I went to see my daughter who lived in Vegas at the time. I was half dead and jet lagged so the city didn't make as much an impression as it did the second time I went. Watching the clouds descend on the airport and the city made me realize I had to finish this story. The city lives up to its' reputation as Sin City and a city of strangers. Alive at night but dead during the day.

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any feedback welcome

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This story is now published in tNBW's -- THE CLOUD. :D

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Hello from long lost Kaysee! For this story, I'm looking for feedback on pacing - does it keep your interest throughout? Is every scene worth including? Also, is the dialogue believable? Are the characters well enough developed? Thanks so much! I came back to the site to post the dramatic conclusion to my racy "Consensual Infidelity" memoir, but got sidetracked by this contest. Look for me to post another chapter soon!

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This is my final stab at the cloud. Thanks to all who made comments. I really enjoyed reading all the cloud stories. I don't think the cloud did much for Vegas, but it certainly was a treat for us writers.

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The Cloud has been hovering over Las Vegas for weeks. People are frightened, praying and repenting of their sins. Deep in the bowels of the earth, a mini-city is buzzing with industry ... A Fantasy.

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...

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Two religious scientists discover a secret for curing drug addiction, and use a cloud to release it on Las Vegas. Big D, who runs the Vegas drug trade, is not amused by the drop in sales. The cloud takes on a life of its own, and the scientists and Big D must deal with the consequences as their lives come crashing together. I have a thick skin and enjoy a thorough critique. Let me know if you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate any nits and suggestions for improvement. Specifics: -Do the biblical references come through? Are they too subtle? Too obvious? -What about the comparisons and contrasts between addiction and religious fanatacism? -Given that my main character is evil (Big D), how does he come across. Entertaining? Scary? Not scary enough? Interesting trivia for your enjoyment: -There really is a Shrine of the Most Holy Redeemer in Vegas, and yes it does have the cloud picture. -Vegas gets about 5" of rainfall a year on average. -Microbes do live in the droplets of water in rainclouds, and some scientists believe their presence can effect when the clouds drop rain by altering the temperature at which the water in the clouds freezes. I finished edits on January 19, 2010. Thanks for your helpful reviews!

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The spirits of Einstein and Max Planck are on a journey through Time and space to other galaxies to study different worlds and the secrets of the Universe. They find there are similar spirits from stars far away visiting our own planet.

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Entry for the Cloud contest.

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I wasn't going to enter this competition but I became intrigued by the idea of writing literary fiction. I'm not sure if I'm any good at it or even if this qualifies as literary fiction. Let me know. Life hasn't been easy for John and Lisa. This is the story of a day in their lives, under the Vegas cloud.

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This is the second part of my story entitled Nascent Clay. The name of the second installment had to be changed because the computer would not accept anything over the 5,000 word limit with the title of Nascent Clay.

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As the cloud hangs over Las Vegas, a thirteen year old boy who loves his guitar and the mountains becomes troubled with the talk of doomsday at school. His friends pressure him not to die a virgin, and finally he makes a decision that leads to an unexpected outcome. NOTE: I have tried to address some of the problems noted by those who left comments. I'd like to know if the same problems remain after the changes.

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A large, gray cloud hovering over Las Vegas, Nevada initiates a series of events that profoundly affect the city's residents. With the passage of time, its enduring presence compels countless others to examine long-held beliefs about religion, unity, and ultimately, the nature of the universe itself.

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A team of nanotechnologists investigate the mysterious cloud in Las Vegas.

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As a mysterious cloud causes havoc with the tourist industry of Las Vegas, Senior Detective Rick James investigates a series of murders by a serial killer nicknamed 'The Chopper'.

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Part one and part two comprise one chapter of just over two thousand words as required by the guidelines for this competition.

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This is a story of a young couple trying to carve out a life in Las Vegas.

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I hope I smoothed some of the edges. Gave Clare more to worry about, and made Ted more human. Any comments are welcome.

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Anything to improve for the contest.

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This is the first draft of my cloud story. Any comments would be appreciated.

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A potter's point of view.

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observations from someplace unimportant.

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This is my entry for the "The Cloud" writing competition. It was originally over 6000 words, so I had to pare a lot to get it under 5000 (4977). As an eerie and mysterious cloud hovers over Las Vegas for months, it renders havoc on everything and everyone below. In spite of all the tragedy and gloom, love finds a way to grow and flourish. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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